Unseen
by Charlotte M. Henning
We were Wall-nuts.� We were all nuts.� We sat on the wall that encircled the clock tower in town.� This was back before any of us had purpose, but we wanted to have purpose.� We wanted to be deep.� So we sat on the wall as those before us had done.� We liked to think that we sat there because it gave us a bad reputation, but mostly we sat there because we had no place else to go.� Me, and my friends Jen, Cate, and Cris sat there on the cold, masoned stonewall every night that we could.� Not smokin�, not drinkin�, just sittin�.� Sometimes people would drive by on the sleepy street, jab their horns and yell, �Get off the wall!�� We loved those people.� They got us fired up and gave us a reason to be angry teens.� �Why are they always picking on us for who we are?�� �People are so close minded.�� We kept sitting.� We had cold asses and red noses, but we were proving something to the world.
Then we met Rick.� Rick was this guy we knew from a distance.� And he was bad, very bad.� He stole.� He smoked.� He smoked up.� He did it all.� And he drove a van.� That was the coolest.� He wore hippie clothes and promoted the legalization of marijuana.� He had dreds.� We were in love with him, but he turned his eyes to Cate.� He wanted her.� We hung out with him more, missing curfews, skipping school, smoking, smoking up.� Cate stopped coming to school altogether.� She started living in his van at his parents� house.� She would sneak into their house after they left for work and have a joint and a shower.� Now she was bad too.
We kept sitting on the wall, but she was different.� She didn�t have to pretend to have a meaningful existence.� Defiant and strong she shrugged off the world and the constraints of her parents.� She smoked.� She smoked up.� She lived in a van.� She was way out of our league.� We admired her for her strength.
Rick would goad her to steal.� He forced her to light things on fire, just to make her squirm.� She would cry and refuse.� He threatened to leave her and she would cry and obey.� He would turn his lit bic upside down, heating the metal, and put it on her thigh and burn her.� She stopped eating when Rick said he would leave her because she was fat.� She would beg him not to leave, to give her pot, to let her eat, to love her.� We hated her for her weakness.
We sat on the wall less.� The defiant aura it created was gone in the face of real rebellion.� We didn�t like real rebellion.� We were fakers and we were ok with that.� We ran to our parents who were happy to have their good girls back.� Occasionally when we went to town we would see Rick and Cate.� She wasn�t allowed to speak to us and would walk down the opposite side of the street when she saw us.� She wore hippie clothes and she had dreds.� She was becoming Rick.
Intervention time.� Jen drove us out to a secluded spot by the river.� The river was deafening and the silence even louder.� Cate spoke.� �Take me back.�� But we love you.� He�s no good.� You�re going to get hurt.� What about your family?� What about college?� What about you?� Then I said it.� �We think you�re weak and we�re starting to hate you.�� Cate cried.� She said a lot of mean things that you can�t take back.� We all cried.� Jen put her car in drive and took Cate back.� Without a word she got out of the car and crawled in the van.� We drove away.
Weeks later we heard that Rick�s parents found out about her living in the van and kicked them out.� Cate went back home.� Rick lived in his van in some field.� We saw him around town with other girls.� We saw him do to them what he did to Cate and were relieved it wasn�t Cate.� Cate found out he was cheating on her.� No surprise.� The next time we saw her she had split with him.� He was out of her life.� We rejoiced!� We had Cate back!� Rick was gone!
We went back to our old ways.� We needed an outlet.� We recycled religiously.� We acted in plays.� We learned to play the guitar.� We went to concerts.� We were cool.� Rick was still around, but on the outside looking in.� We were shining and laughing and there was nothing he could do about it.� We formed a protective circle around Cate that kept him out.
Enter Jacob.� He was a college man we met one night while we were sitting.� His keys were locked in his car and he was waiting for the cops to help him out. �He was a sophisticated older man with a smoldering gaze and dark hair.� We were all in love.� He turned his eyes to Cate.� We weren�t jealous.� Maybe a little, but we were happy for her.� She needed him.� He fed her, kept her safe, kept her happy, and mended her.� He smothered her with love, but gave her space.� Everything was good again.
Then Jacob met Rick.� Jacob knew about him and hated him, sight unseen.� We were sitting on our sanctuary as usual and Rick walked up to Cate.� She tried to blow him off, but he had this hold over her that we couldn�t break.� Jacob was across the street at the bakery but he saw.� He came tearing across the street at a full run and stepped in between them, forcing Rick to release his grip on her arm.� Then they went at it.� Jacob was screaming and Rick was screaming and Cate was crying.� We held on to Cate for all we had.� They started punching.� Jacob was much bigger than Rick and had him on the ground in no time.� Rick got up and looked at Cate.� He had a bloody lip and his eye was puffy.� Then he smiled at her, except it was a snarl, and he walked away.� Jacob was our hero.� He was Cate�s hero.� Everything was going to be ok.� And it was.� For a couple of weeks.
We didn�t see Rick in those weeks.� There was a rumor that he had enlisted.� I didn�t believe it, but I hoped for it.� I wanted him gone.� I wanted to have never met him.� He was that evil and that wrong.
Jacob went everywhere Cate did and she was happy for it.� She glowed.� She was lively.� We admired her again.
One night, the five of us were sitting on the wall.� It was winter.� It was cold.� Our butts were numb.� Jacob offered to get us hot cider from the bakery, but Cate said she would.� We emptied the change from our pockets into her hands and she walked away.� Jacob called out to her when she got to the corner and she turned around.� Deep in the back of my consciousness I heard something familiar.� Jen too.� Cris too.� But either I couldn�t place it or I didn�t want to.� Cate was smiling as she looked at him with raised eyebrows.� He told her he loved her.� We melted.� What was that sound?� She tilted her head to the side, put her hand on her face, and closed her eyes.� When she opened them she looked at Jacob and said she loved him too.� What a vast moment. �Then I placed the sound.� Jen too.� Cris too.� Jacob wouldn�t have known it.� We skipped school in it.� We smoked in it.� Cate!
It was too late.� We all relive the too late.� She stepped off the sidewalk and turned to see why we were yelling.� If she had looked the other way, she would have seen him.� He flew around the corner in his beat up baby blue van and came to a shrieking halt, just past her.� We tried to get there, but it was too slow.� I was running in deep mud.� I couldn�t go!� Jacob couldn�t either.� It was too slow.� Someone flung open the back of the van and grabbed her.� She fought.� She kicked, screamed and bit.� She screamed for Jacob.� How painful it must be for him to hear that at night.� She was yanked inside and they sped off.� Jacob got in his car to chase them and we ran to the police station for help.� They saw the commotion and were in their car when we got there.� We stood there as they sped away.� We knew they would bring her back.� We knew Jacob wouldn�t stop until he had her.� We knew.
It was an hour.� Then two.� Then Jacob came back alone.� As State police cars went wailing by, we asked him what happened.� He said he caught up with them, but lost them on a road by the river.� He was angry and scared.� We didn�t know what to do for him or for us.� Jen went to the station to ask them what was going on.� Then I went.� Then Cris went.� Then Jacob went.� The Jen went again.� They couldn�t tell us anything.� Cate�s parents showed up at the station.� They were close to frantic.� We were all sitting there when we heard the call on the radio that they found the van.� We tore out of the station and jumped into Jacob�s car.� We hoped for the best but expected the worst.� Jacob just needed the best.
We pulled to a stop at a police roadblock.� We shot out of the car and ran down to where the flashing lights were on the bank of the river.� We saw the van.� The van!!� Then we saw 5 police officers with their guns drawn, trained on something we couldn�t see.� When we came over the rise, we saw the guy who grabbed Cate.� He was waist deep in the river, waving a shotgun around.� A shotgun.� Were we really seeing this?� This could not be happening.� They were telling him to put the weapon down and come out of the water.� Somebody called for more back up.� Why weren�t they asking him about Cate?� Why weren�t they trying to figure out where she was?� In mid-yell, he disappeared under the water.� He never came up.
Jacob was talking to a police officer.� Where is she?� Where is he?� Who was that guy?� The police officer told him that no one was in the van when they got there, just that man yelling in the river about washing away his sins.� They wouldn�t tell us anything so we spread out and eavesdropped on the cops that were around.� We heard snippets here and there.� . . . no blood . . . no weapon . . . hair . . .shoe . . . no sign . . . no trail . . . river . . . dead end . . . dead.
The rest is a blurry nightmare.� Cate�s parents came down to the river.� Her mom fell to the ground.� Her dad cried.� We just stood there.� Jacob just stood there.� She couldn�t be dead.� But the police said the crazy man in the river alleged she was.� For days we waited to hear word.� Any word.� We went to the wall every day.� We sat by our phones and begged her to call.� We went to the river and watched them search.� We begged Rick�s parents to tell us something.� We read papers from towns up and down the river to see if a body was found.� Nothing.
Sitting on the wall became more of a job.� What if she came back?� What if he drove through town?� It became our defining purpose.� We had to be there.
Jacob was dead inside.�
Ten months after she disappeared he took his savings and hired someone
to look for her.� The investigator came
back and said that a girl meeting her description was seen in upstate
We stopped sitting on the wall after that.� It was too holy, too sacred.� We did come back one year after she was
taken.� Jacob was there too.� He was falling apart.� He had bags in his car and was going to
Jacob got the directions and we were off to face whatever
ending there would be.� We traveled down
a packed dirt road and after about 3 miles there it was.� We saw a big farmhouse surrounded by fields,
now barren and unapproachable in the winter weather.� Jacob was determined.� He strode up to the house and knocked on the
door.� An older lady answered the
door.� �Can I help you?�� Jacob pulled out a tattered picture of Cate
that he carried in his pocket.� �Is she
here.�� The lady looked at the picture.� �That looks like our
We went to find Jacob.� He turned when he heard us coming.� He was crying.� �It�s not her.�� We enveloped each other in the vacant, naked field and cried and cried and cried her away.